Autumn
by Jaimee
Summary: Her cancer treatment is not helping. Mulder visits Scully in the hospital late one night to find her near death.


Title - Autumn

Author - Jaimee Kidder

Email - specialagentdana@aol.com

Rating - PG

Classification - SRA

Spoilers - Redux

Keywords - Character death, MSR

Summary - Her cancer treatment is not helping. Mulder visits Scully in the hospital late one night to find her near death.

Disclaimer:None of the characters in the story below belong to me.And they never will.No matter how many stories I write, or how much I adore the X-Files.Never.NEVER!::screams in anguish::

Autumn

_"Rage, rage, against the dying of the light."~Dylan Thomas___

**10:43 p.m.**

"Agent Mulder?"

The voice on the phone was Skinner's.He sounded tense.Mulder's heart began to race.That could only mean one thing."What is it?" he asked sharply.

"Mulder, you need to get down to the hospital right away."

Not wanting to hear any more, he muttered a quick "I'll be right there" and hung up.

Scully.

Her battle with cancer was becoming more critical every day now.A man had given him a cure for her, supposedly, so they had done what he said and re-implanted the metal chip back into Scully's neck in hopes that it would somehow send this mysterious disease into remission.It hadn't.The PET scans that he insisted they repeat as often as possible continually showed the same thing: no improvement.

She was the strongest woman he had ever known -- never getting angry, never blaming him.She probably knew he did enough of that himself.She spoke of her death as though there was no hope.She would never know how much it hurt him to hear her talk like that, but there was no bitterness in her voice, only quiet acceptance.He kept trying to keep her spirits up, kept denying it when she spoke like...that, but deep inside he knew he was losing hope.

Mulder picked up his jacket and headed out the door.

***

He inquired after Dana Scully at the desk after he found out she had been moved to another room.They had given her a big room to herself, he learned, with a large window and a beautiful view.He tried not to think about what that could mean, and walked down the hall in search of the room.

The door was closed as he neared it.He was almost afraid to open it.Almost, but he did.

He walked into the room and stopped, stunned.

His partner, his friend, his Scully was lying unconscious in the hospital bed, looking closer to death than Mulder could think about.She was hooked up to monitors and computers of all kinds, there was an IV drip in her right arm, and she had a breathing tube in her nose.She was dangerously pale.Something had happened to her since he had seen her yesterday.

He swallowed hard."Hey, Scully," he whispered, coming over to sit beside her bed.He took her hand gently, stroking it softly with his thumb.Seeing her this way was such a shock.She looked so fragile.He was afraid to even breathe, afraid that maybe it would disturb the delicate thread that held her life.

The door opened, and Skinner walked in."Agent Mulder."

Mulder turned."Sir," he acknowledged.He looked at the floor for a moment as he struggled to collect his thoughts."What happened?" he asked quietly, trying to prepare himself for the worst.

Skinner sighed heavily."She went into a brief coma earlier tonight and she's been unconscious ever since then.The coma only lasted for about half an hour, but it was enough to raise concern.So they ran more tests."He paused and looked away.

"Mulder, she's dying.She...probably won't make it through the night."

Dying.

Skinner's words came to him through a haze of indescribable, intense emotion.He could barely understand their meaning over the sound of his own heart throbbing inexorably in his chest.Finally, after a long minute,Mulder's eyes closed and he sat motionless in the chair beside Scully's bed.

An eternity passed before he could feel again.

When he did open his eyes, Skinner had gone.He looked at Scully.She was still asleep.

He had to wonder if she would never wake again.

He reached out a shaking, cold hand to touch her face, afraid, almost, to do that much.He could hear her slowly breathing; it was shallowly rough and uneven.The sound was the only thing that touched the silence.As Mulder leaned back weakly in his chair and closed his eyes again, he felt his breathing slow and match cadence with hers.He took comfort in that small link between them as he gave in to sleep.

**12:02 a.m.**

A quiet sound stirred Mulder from his restless sleep of nightmares, and he opened his eyes with a start.

"Scully!" he said, smiling.She gazed at him from her bed, looking at him with her beautiful blue eyes that always made his heart pound."Mulder...when did you get here?" she asked, her voice a throaty whisper."I thought Skinner was making you stay home."

"He was," he explained carefully."He called me a few hours ago and said I should come down."Something in his tone must have made her suspicious.She looked deeply into his eyes."Mulder, what is it?"

The door opened then, and Dr. Zuckerman walked in."Well, look who's awake," he said cheerily."How do you feel, Dana?"

"Doctor," she said firmly, "I want you to tell me what's going on."

The doctor glanced at her, then nodded and sighed."Agent Mulder, would you mind waiting in the hall?"

Mulder shook his head quickly, then shot a parting look at Scully and walked outside the door, trying to forget the look of sadness and muted fear that he had seen on her face.

After a minute, the doctor stepped out.He gave Mulder a concerned glance and then walked slowly down the hall to see other patients.Mulder put his hand on the doorknob, took a deep breath, and went in.

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the side, brushing a errant strand of gold-touched red hair out of her face."Are you okay?" he asked huskily.

Her eyes took on a look of sadness and resignation that made his heart stop for an instant._You **can't **give up, Scully_...

"Um...."She looked down at her hands, lying on her lap, alarmingly close to the color of the white hospital sheets."He told me...I went into a coma earlier tonight.Around nine, I think."

Mulder nodded slowly.

She was quiet, studying the pattern of the flowers on the wallpaper.Neither one of them spoke; neither felt bold enough to break the heavy silence.

There was a knock on the door, startling Scully out of her thoughts.Skinner opened the door and came in awkwardly."Agent Scully," he said with a small smile."How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine," she said automatically, although her eyes belied her words.She hesitated."Sir, can you do me a favor?"

He nodded."What is it?"

"Try to get in touch with my mother.I think she'd like to...be here..." Scully trailed off.

"Actually, that's what I wanted to tell you."His eyes held genuine sympathy."I haven't been able to reach your mother or your brother.I've been trying to for the last few hours."

She sighed, the soft sound carrying more meaning than Mulder could've imagined."Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome, Scully," he said quietly, then muttered "I'll leave you two alone," and slipped out of the room.

After a moment, Scully sighed again, faintly, and closed her eyes."I'm tired," she whispered."Will you hold my hand, Mulder?"

He thought his heart would break at the simple request."Of course, Scully."He took her hand in his and kissed it gently.She smiled slightly and brought their clasped hands to her face, resting them between her ashen cheek and the pillow.

There was silence.

Mulder opened his mouth to speak after a minute, not really sure how he was going to tell her; knowing he had to."Scully...working with you for these last four years has meant so much to me.Our friendship.I've never had a closer friend than you, Scully.You mean so much to me."

She opened her eyes again, exhausted but never too tired to listen to her partner, and he met her gaze and plunged ahead.

"I love you, Scully."

She stared at him, her eyes filling with tears that spilled onto her cheeks."And...I guess I never really thought about what it would be like to lose you, to live without you, and now..."He couldn't go on, knowing his words were so far short of what he felt.He closed his eyes and felt Scully's hand weakly squeeze his own.

"Mulder, I love you so much..." she murmured.

Their eyes locked, and Mulder had to struggle to contain the powerful emotions that had been released inside of him with Scully's words.He laid his head on Scully's chest and reached his hand up to caress her shoulder.She put her hand on his head and stroked his hair gently.Words were impossible; he was overwhelmed.

There was silence for several minutes, and time belonged to them during this peaceful expression of silent love.Then Scully sighed reluctantly.

"Mulder, I'm dying."

Her words were like a knife in his heart."Scully, don't say that," he managed, struggling to keep his composure.

"It's true, Mulder," she whispered."And...I need you to accept it.I'm going to die...and you're going to live."

"No, Scully, I don't think I can..." he said brokenly, sitting up to look into her eyes.

"You have to...please, you have to, Mulder," she pleaded hoarsely."There's so much more you have to do...you can't be beaten by them..."She cut off abruptly with a sudden cough.

"Scully?"Mulder looked sharply at her."Scully?Are you okay?"

Her eyes widened with another coughing seizure, and she shook her head minutely.A trickle of blood ran out of her mouth and nose, and her hand shook as she jerked off the breathing tube.Mulder was already at the door."Doctor!" he yelled, but the hallway was empty.He ran down the hall to the desk.

"I need help," he gasped.The nurse at the desk stood up quickly."Who?"

"Dana Scully, room 516...she's a patient of Dr. Zuckerman; please get him right away!" he almost shouted, already running back to the room.

Scully's head had fallen to one side and there was blood covering her upper lip and mouth.Mulder was at her side in an instant."Scully?" he implored."Scully!Can you hear me?"She blinked and turned her head back to look at him.Her lips moved in a futile effort to speak, and he leaned closer to make out her words.

"I'm...cold..." she murmured, almost inaudibly.A tear slipped unheeded down his cheek as he pulled the blanket up to her chin, then took his jacket from the chair and tucked it around her.

"Mulder..." she whispered after a minute, her words coming haltingly through increasingly labored breathing."I'm tired..."She coughed again painfully, and her eyes rolled back behind her eyelids.

"Scully," he said with a sob, taking her hand and pressing it to his lips."Hold on, Scully...please, Scully...you have to hold on."

"I can't...I can't fight any more...Mulder...I'm so tired...."Her voice was growing weaker.

"No..." he pleaded.He could feel her drifting farther away.He was powerless to stop her and he knew it, with a heartbreaking, cold certainty.There was nothing he could do but call to her."No, Scully..."

"Please...take care of...."She struggled to breathe, her eyes closing tightly in effort."Take care...of my mother...Mulder..."

"Scully...please...Scully...stay with me, Scully...!" he sobbed, holding her hand tightly, as though there was some way that would hold her back.

Her eyelids fluttered open and she gazed at him with a slight smile."Mulder...I love you...more than life..."Then her eyes closed.

Mulder's heart stopped for a moment."Scully?"He couldn't hear her breathing."Scully!"There was a sudden piercing sound, and it took his reeling mind a second to realize what it was.

The heart monitor.She was gone.

The door burst open, and Dr. Zuckerman strode quickly into the room, with Skinner on his heels.The doctor stopped in front of the bed when he heard the monitor, and sighed deeply."I'm sorry," was all he said, and left the room silently.Mulder didn't hear him, didn't hear Skinner switch the machine off.He didn't see Skinner kneel beside the bed and touch Scully's face.He didn't hear when Skinner called his name in concern, didn't see when he stood up and left the room.

After a moment, Mulder slowly pushed himself up to sit on the side of the bed where she lay.She was so still, so different.It wasn't Scully anymore.He rested his head on her chest and let the tears come in quiet waves.

It was over.

He left the hospital an hour later.The air was chilly at that hour of the night, but he didn't feel it.Nothing could touch him now.

Autumn leaves swirled around him on the street as he walked, with his eyes closed, to his car.


End file.
